Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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