They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
