I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
