I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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