my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
