well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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