Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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