Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
