She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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