Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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