I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
