what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
