Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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