my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
