No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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