FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
