Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
