he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
