do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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