apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
