having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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