Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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