I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
