Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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