I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize