It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i now understand why vodka
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
