He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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