if i can run in heels then i can drive
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
