After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
