I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
