tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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