He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
