Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
