Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
