I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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