Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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