so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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