Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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