You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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