Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
