I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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