No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
