i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
