I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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