Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
