Where did you get a picture of my penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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