My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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