I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize