i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
