i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
