apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
