i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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