ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
