I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
