she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
