so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
