10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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