Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
