so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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