Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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