My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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