so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
