nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
