and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
