Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
