I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
