When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
